ride almost everywhere within 7 miles of your home on one of these:

schwinn stealth 1000

  1. get a passport holder with RFID blocking abilities from thinkgeek
  2. paste a ron paul sticker over your credit card
  3. keep only your credit card and license in your RFID blocking passport holder
  4. wear a brown furry hat in the winter
  5. pay for all of your drinks at the bar
  6. not have your RFID blocking passport wallet when you get home
  7. also don’t have your hat

now thing brings us to the story:

riding to work the next week, i propose the temperature should be 22 degrees fahrenheit. take care to wear a hat which covers your ears, but is not furry like your old hat. note to yourself how it feels to have frost inviting itself to dinner on your frontal lobes. yell at the cold “motherdamn you will never take my hippocampus!”

realize that your hat has whisked your wallet away to a romantic getaway in the islands

brown hat: i love you wallet, i will keep you warm forever
wallet: i love you so, brown hat… this trip is on me
narrator: i just canceled the credit card, you two are fkkd when you try to check-out at the hotel. (please come home right now)

Edit: Call off the search teams, the wallet was under a table in my apartment. Sneaky cats?